I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I survived my twenties. The bad news is that I will never be featured on the Forbes 30 under 30 list. Or maybe that's also good news. I mean seriously, WTF.

And to my numerous friends who ACTUALLY made that list, I salute you.

[This babe, aka mom, is the real hero here. Happy 30th anniversary of being a mom, mom. You killed it.]

I'm turning 30 tomorrow and I've been sulking about it all day. Which is very unusual because I'm usually the person who is embracing life with wisdom and optimism blah blah blah.

So, in my last few hours in my twenties (and in an effort to be more creative and less sulky), I present to you:

SALADHEAD'S 30 UNDER 30

AKA 30 THINGS I'VE LEARNED ABOUT BEING A DECENT, HAPPY, AND GENERALLY LIKABLE HUMAN BEING

(1) Act out of love, not fear

Apparently, the basis of every human emotion is either love or fear. If you're not acting out of a place of love, you're just inviting negativity and BS into your life. Don't do that. Just stop.

(2) Sometimes you just have to move on

Sucky things happen. It's okay to feel crappy about it for awhile. But eventually, you have to tell yourself to STOP dwelling on it and move on. Time does heal wounds, but you can help push time along a little faster.

(3) Rejection sucks, but it gets easier

You don't always get what you want (or deserve). When you don't get what you want: get up, dust yourself off, and aim HIGHER.

(4) Listen carefully when people talk

Listen carefully, with empathy and curiosity. Stop interrupting and stop referring back to yourself, it gets old.

(5) Don't treat anyone like they're "less than"

Especially if they're at work. Humans are humans, no matter what role they're playing.

(6) Everyone is influenced by their environment

Nobody becomes who they are in a vacuum. People are influenced by their upbringing and surroundings and that deserves acknowledgment.

(7) Know and admit to your strengths and weaknesses

Or else you'll overcompensate and act like a fool. People are more likely to forgive you for your flaws if you own up to them.

(8) Humor is often the easiest way to de-escalate a bad situation

Especially if it's self-deprecating.

(9) Feed the people who feed you

Pay attention to the people who support and love you; stop chasing after the people who don't give back.

(10) Don't be mean

If you're about to say something mean, you're probably not digging deep enough. Sometimes the realist thing you can say is "My feelings are hurt" or "I'm embarrassed."

(11) Don't be afraid to pull the "friend card"

We're all part-time flakes, so your friends need to know when you really need them. Pull the friend card.

(12) Try really hard to understand your boundaries, then enforce them

We come to realize, as adults, that many of our "boundaries" were implanted during our childhood by our cultural upbringing (for example: staying a virgin until marriage). These aren't boundaries we identified and chose for ourselves. It's hard work to see past these given boundaries and recognize the real ones: the boundaries we actually need to feel safe and in control.

(13) Cherish your inner child

You look like an adult, but parts of you are still young and scared. Don't be mean to your inner child, be encouraging and loving. For example, let's say you define a boundary for yourself and then allow someone to trample it: instead of calling yourself a pathetic loser, tell yourself that it's okay to feel vulnerable but that you're proud of yourself and you'll do better next time.

(14) You can and will do better next time

Don't ever stop pushing yourself to be the person you want to be. It can be painful to face your flaws and weaknesses, but recognize it as growth. Two steps forward, one step back.

(15) Alcohol is poison to your body

It just is. Try not to drink that much of it.

(16) Everybody is BSing, so just get over it

Giving in to your imposter syndrome will only hold you back. Just know that everybody is winging it, and that you're voice is valuable.

(17) Find a creative outlet

It's worth it. It's therapeutic. It helps reinforce that you are unique, which builds self-confidence and self-worth.

(18) Treat yourself

Take yourself out to a nice restaurant, sit at the bar, and flirt with the bartender (why not).

(19) Try not to overthink things

If something isn't clicking into place, it's probably best to just let it be. Most decisions should be a "hell yes!"

(20) Sometimes, friendships have to end

It's hard, but you have to close that door. Don't leave it open, not even a crack. It sucks to let go of people you love, I know.

(21) Drink lots of water

It feels good. Plus, get your vitamin-D levels checked. You really want them to be in the 70+ range. Also, oil of oregano is great when you're feeling under the weather.

(22) The world is abundant

Stop living like everything is scarce. What's best for you is still out there. Know and believe that, keep your chin up.

(23) Express gratitude every day

Life is short. Dance in front of the mirror. Laugh at yourself. Know when things are smooth sailing. We're the luckiest people alive.

(24) Never take a friend's generosity for granted

Be considerate, people.

(25) Being responsible is a lifestyle

I don't even know how I manage to pack my gym bag every morning, AND get to the gym in time for hot yoga, AND get my parking validated, AND not lose the parking validation, AND drink water. And I don't even have a child or pet to think about.

(26) It's okay to have doubts

Let's admit it, we still don't know what the ef we're doing.

(27) Keep it honest - vulnerability is disarming

Honesty is truly the best policy, and you'll connect with people much easier that way.

(28) People change, just not that fast

You have to accept people where they're at and believe people when they tell you where they're at.

(29) Know what you're talking about

We're getting too old to BS.

(30) Call your family every day

<3