In which Saladhead freezes her eggs

Before I get started, let's get one thing straight. A woman's fertility (or anyone's fertility) is a personal topic. As a woman, you probably don't want the world to know your fertility is declining. After all, isn't that what we're valued for? Fertility... youth... beauty... yah... let's move on before we get too triggered here.

[Me, before the egg retrieval]

When I decided to freeze my eggs, I also decided to document the experience. What you'll read below is a fairly raw, minimally edited version of what happened (in real time). These are live entries, mostly typed on my phone while sitting in the doctor's waiting room.

My goal here is to spread awareness and encourage other women to decide whether egg freezing makes sense for them (it might not, but you should at least consider whether it is or isn't). Spoiler-alert: it's probably the second best investment I ever made (the first is my education). If you think others should read this, you have my permission to share.

Freezing your eggs isn't cheap, so it's not an option that's available to all of us. At least not yet. For those who can afford it, it's a privilege. I envision a world where every 22 year old has the means and ability to freeze her eggs. Why the hell not?

Here we go.

September 2016 - how it all started

I was eating sushi with a girlfriend (also a lawyer) when she announced she'd just had her eggs frozen.

Wait, hold up. What?!

"You just had your eggs frozen??"

As I heard more about the experience, I realized it made a lot of sense. I thought, "I'm 29 years old, no serious boyfriend (yet), no serious desire to be a mom (yet), and damn, I can afford to get my eggs frozen... so... why not? I'm not getting any younger here."

In your 30s, your fertility and egg quality decline drastically (yikes). Less eggs means less chance of getting pregnant. Low egg quality means higher chance of birth defects. REAL YIKES. I wish I was making this stuff up, but I'm not.

I made an appointment with the doctors at USC Fertility.

How did I choose USC Fertility?

So, if you're in LA or NY, all the fertility clinics are more or less the same. Freezing your eggs is like baking a cake. So long as you're an experienced baker, it's hard to screw it up. The best thing to do is choose a clinic that's reputable and conveniently located, because you'll be there everyday for a two-week stretch.

Almost every fertility clinic charges ~$300 for an initial consultation, so you're going to feel locked into the first clinic you visit (do your research ahead of time; call and ask lots of questions in advance).

Pay attention to storage costs (because you gotta store your frozen eggs somewhere). Be sure to ask the clinic about storage costs before the initial consultation. USC Fertility charges ~$500/year - which is actually a decent deal. I ended up going with the California Cryobank (they're in the business of storage and have a legit storage facility). If I were planning on using my eggs in the next couple years, I probably would have left them at USC. But I'm still young, so those babies could be on ice for a loooong time. A 10-year storage plan at the Cryobank is $2,700 total.

My consultation... in which I learned how babies are made

At the initial consultation, Dr. Chung taught me how babies are made. It was interesting, informative. I'm going to try to teach you here, but forgive me if I get some details wrong...

First you're a baby girl

Basically, a baby girl is born with millions of eggs stored in her ovaries. By the time that baby girl is a teenager, she only has a few hundred thousand eggs. Nobody knows why the egg count declines so drastically, but it does.

Let me reiterate: the eggs are stored in her ovaries. You know those giant storage facilities full of people's junk? Usually in the middle of nowhere? Yah, your ovaries have storage facilities too, and they're full of eggs.

Then you get your period

The moment a woman starts her period, her brain tells her ovaries to release eggs from storage. It's like your body is going into it's storage facility, pulling out boxes, and dusting off the eggs inside. In an average fertile woman, around 20-25 eggs will come out of storage (about 10-15 in each ovary). Over the course of a woman's period, the eggs grow. Eventually, one of these eggs will become "dominant" and tell the other eggs to screw off (literally, it tells the other eggs to go die and they actually die). The other eggs die, and by the time the woman is done menstruating, the dominant egg will be mature enough to swim out into the uterus. This is called ovulation. Here the egg is ready to meet her sperm soulmate. Cute, right?

Enter egg freezing

During egg freezing, you basically manipulate this process. As soon as you start your period, you go to the fertility clinic and get an ultrasound. During the ultrasound, the doctor literally counts how many eggs just came out of storage (crazy, right?). Well, they're not technically eggs at this point, they're "follicles." Follicles grow into eggs. I didn't introduce this term earlier because I didn't want to confuse you.

Anyway, the point of egg freezing is to trick all the follicles (pre-eggs) into becoming dominant, mature eggs. So now, you have a bunch of dominant eggs in your ovaries instead of just 1 (none of them "go die"). Lastly, you prevent ovulation, so the eggs are not released into the uterus (they stay in your ovaries). You trick your body into behaving this way through carefully orchestrated hormone injections (yes, with needles). I self injected ~4x a day for a two week period (read more below).

Congratulations, you're farming eggs in your ovaries

Once your ovaries are filled with as many mature eggs as possible, the doctor schedules the egg retrieval and they literally harvest your eggs (they put you under and suck out the eggs with a syringe - takes about an hour). Don't worry, you're under anesthesia and don't know what's happening.

They flash freeze the mature eggs and place them in liquid nitrogen. The ones that aren't mature upon retrieval will sit overnight in the lab (some of them will mature overnight). The goal is to get about 15-20 mature eggs. More on this later.

Once you're ready to have children, they thaw about 4 eggs at a time (the thawing technology gets better and better, so they're pretty good at not losing eggs in the thawing process). In the lab, they inject the thawed eggs with sperm, and once it becomes an embryo (this takes about a day), they inject it into you and the uterus takes over. And yes, you can choose the sex! Fresh eggs are always better than thawed eggs, but young eggs are always better than old eggs. So, once you're ready to have kids, it's probably better to first try getting pregnant the old fashioned way. If you're well into your 30s, you'll want to test for birth defects regardless.

My first blood test

At the end of my consultation, they tested my AMH levels. AMH is basically a test of your fertility or "egg reserves." Dr. Chung wanted me to clock in at a 3, but I got a 2.29 (normal is 1.5 - 4). This wasn't good.

I was disappointed. I wanted my fertility to be off the charts. I spent a few days feeling a little down, but also grateful that I was going through the egg freezing process early. It's important to point out that a 2.29 is considered excellent by many fertility doctors. My doctor just had very high expectations for me. Other women I've spoken to had much lower AMH levels (close to 1) and still had good results from egg freezing.

The next step would be bloodwork and an FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) test on day 2 or 3 of my period.

Period starts

I was instructed to contact my nurse coordinator at the first sign of period blood. So, that's what I did. She told me to come into the office first thing in the morning.

That morning they did an ultrasound. This was the big moment. They were going to count my follicles. I was nervous that there wouldn't be enough, given that my AMH was a little low. BUT, great news, we saw about 10 follicles in each ovary. Dr. Chung expected less given my AMH levels. Dr. Chung (btw, Dr. Chung is a woman) told me she'd still be aggressive with the hormones just in case.

They did some bloodwork, results were good. Estrogen level at 79 and FSH level at 4. In order to control my hormone levels, they put me on birth control (active pills only) starting immediately for about 2 weeks.

Not ready to be a bloated pregnant lady AKA vanity takes over

Before starting my first birth control pill (Desogen), I freaked out. I never liked birth control pills. They make my boobs tender, make me bloated, mess with my libido, etc. That's why I have the copper IUD (it was rocky at first, but I love it now). Going back on the pill, even for just 18 days, is a WTF situation for me.

I started googling the side effects of Desogen (bad idea) and started reading things like:

DESOGEN MADE ME GAIN 30 POUNDS AND I HAD CRAZY DEPRESSIVE MOOD SWINGS.

Uhhhh... no thanks.

I emailed Dr. Chung... maybe there's another option? Called my mom. Mom laughed and reminded me that I was going to look 5 months pregnant by the end of this (oh yeah, did I mention that all those dominant, mature eggs in your ovaries make you look pregnant af?).

FUG. I emailed my girlfriend (who has been through the process) and she knocked some sense into me. Birth control pills on their own don't MAKE you fat, the estrogen makes you hungry and sleepy. So long as I don't deviate from my typical eating patterns, I'm not going to gain 30 pounds. Okay, great.

This is exactly why I'm not ready to have kids. Must proceed!

On sobriety/lifestyle

Different doctors will make different recommendations regarding your lifestyle leading up to the egg harvest. You definitely DON'T want to smoke tobacco (everybody agrees on that) but caffeine/alcohol/etc. are more of a toss up. Some doctors tell you to cut everything out at least 3 months in advance. My doctor told me that moderation was okay.

There was no freaking way I was going to last 3 months... so I settled on 1 month instead. About 1 week before starting my period, I cut out all drugs and alcohol, including caffeine (I did have a couple Sudafed/Tylenol because I caught a cold). I also had a cup of decaf coffee almost everyday... and I cherished each sip.

At first I was bummed about this change in lifestyle; but strangely enough, a week into it, cutting all this stuff out really improved my self-esteem. I realized I don't need any of that stuff to feel like myself, and that was a good feeling.

The birth control phase

I took Desogen (the birth control) between December 13 and January 2. It essentially  "halted" my follicles from growing and kept the status quo. It was a low dose birth control, but man it sucked. I had a regular period the entire time (Dr. Chung admitted that this was unusual) with fairly severe menstrual cramping (I'm talking about fetal position). Dr. Chung believed this was a reaction to the synthetic estrogen. Basically, the synthetic estrogen in birth control brings down your natural estrogen levels (which is what it's supposed to do). She believed my body was reacting to the low natural estrogen by cramping and bleeding... yay.

Had my next appointment on January 3; we counted 21 follicles (great news!). Did some bloodwork and was taught how to administer the meds (by administer, I mean self inject with needles). The pharmacy delivers the meds to you directly via FedEx (very convenient).

Then came a break from the birth control... bled really heavily anyway.

Meds arrive / gulp

Meds arrived on schedule in a giant box (I had them delivered to work). I should probably stop now and explain that I told my bosses (both men with kids of their own) that I was freezing my eggs. They were both supportive the entire time and even looked forward to meeting "hormonal Taneen" (they never did, I kept that shit in check).

I put the med box in the work fridge and headed to my last hot yoga class for awhile (not a great idea to do hot yoga while injecting).

Once I got the box home, I only refrigerated what needed to be refrigerated and took inventory to make sure I had everything. The next morning I watched an instructional video on www.freedommedteach.com and injected 20 units of Lupron. It really wasn't so bad. The needles are really thin so you just prick your skin and slowly send it in; a little weird but not painful. I felt energetic and amped afterward, like I just took a double-shot of espresso. It was cool. It stings a bit afterwards so I immediately applied ice (highly recommend having ice ready). All the injections go in the fatty part of your belly (pinch the fat, stick in the needle).

For the first few days, it was Lupron only (morning and evening). Then, I started the Folistin (225 units, injections with a pen) and Menopur (you mix a saline with this powder, switch the needle, and inject that). The Menopur takes some getting used to (ice is a must after Menopur); it's hard to mix so don't be afraid to ask your nurse to demonstrate it again (don't worry, you'll eventually become a pro).

So far so good, feel normal. Gained a pound or so but it's not unusual for my weight to fluctuate (especially since I'm eating big meals and not exercising).

An aside on empowerment

Look, I was freaked out about self-injecting too. But let me tell you, it is incredibly empowering to administer my own medication. It's no harder than having a nurse do it. It annoyed me to realize how disempowered we typically are. It shouldn't be so scary to self-inject, but we've been trained to fear it. When I told Dr. Chung about how empowered I felt, she was moved and we shared a pretty special moment.

[You inevitably get bruises from the injections...]

Back to regular programming

I self injected for two days and headed back to the doctor. She counted about 10 follicles in each ovary, they were growing nicely but still pretty small (my estrogen level clocked in at around 75, it was 27 when we first got started). This is still "low" so we increased Folistin to 300 units and two vials of Menopur instead of 1.

1/12 - Follicles bigger! Almost 10mm each and estrogen levels up at 321. All good news. We're measuring the follicles as a way to guess how "mature" they are. If it's around 20mm, it's probably mature (but not guaranteed to be mature).

1/13 - Woke up this morning with that "bloated feeling" I've been promised. Was a pound or so heavier than yesterday. I think bloated is the wrong word to describe it. It's not uncomfortable, like gassy or when you've been over-eating or when you're on your period. It's just an increased heaviness in your belly, and it's not that uncomfortable (at least not yet). When you suck in, there's not much of a change. Felt a little tired this morning, nothing too unusual. It's kind of fun to experience temporary body changes.

1/14 - Estrogen levels are 1000+ today! Follicles getting big, around 16mm. Thinking Thursday will be egg retrieval day.

 [My babies are growing!!]

1/16 - Biggest follicle is around 20mm! Still looking at Thursday for retrieval. They've kept my medicine dosage the same. Having me bring in my consent forms (for treatment and storage) on my next visit. Reached out to California Cryobank to compare prices and terms of storage. Still feeling bloated in the tummy but nothing out of control. Otherwise feeling emotionally normal, perhaps even upbeat and energetic. Estrogen level 2286! If I remember correctly, a pregnant lady has estrogen levels at 6000+.

1/17 - Feeling pretty much the same as yesterday. Estrogen level is 3000+ and we're doing the trigger shot at 12AM (this is the shot you take before the egg retrieval).

1/18 - Day before surgery! Did the trigger shot as 12AM (they give you a VERY specific time to do it). Basically, the shot triggers your ovulation, so your eggs start peeling off the follicle. I woke up feeling less bloated, and became paranoid that maybe some of the eggs prematurely ovulated. But turns out, that was just paranoia. They gave me pre-op instructions and I signed consent forms. I started antibiotics (2x a day for 3 days with food). No food or water after 12AM.

 [Me, looking preggers]

1/19 - Call time for surgery was 8:30AM. They called me in closer to 9AM. Signed some more paperwork, got dressed in a little surgical outfit (included a lovely hat), and put in the IV. I basically lied down on the table and was out (damn you anesthesia!). When I first woke up in recovery, I apparently told the nurse I dreamt about "boys." LOL. They gave me pain for the cramping (it was pretty crampy, and I was pretty out of it...). They already had a heating pad on me and were administering pain medication. This part went by pretty fast. I ate goldfish and some apple juice. They took me out of the hospital in a wheelchair, where my mom was waiting with a car. Came home and took a nice nap. Mom fed me all day - this was clutch.

1/20-1/22 - Felt much better the next day (not groggy) but was definitely bloated and feeling gassy (which is normal). It felt like sharp gas that won't pass - not great. Took Gas-X and it helped. This post-surgery recovery is definitely the most uncomfortable part of this entire journey for me. I'm walking at like 1/4th my normal speed (I am out and about though) and ovaries feel sore (definitely no jumping or brisk steps). Why do you get so bloated? Because the eggs were in these shells, and once the eggs get sucked out, the remaining shells fill up with liquid from your body.

1/23 - Feeling really normal today, still bloated but able to go to work and put on jeans without drama.

1/25 - Feeling 85-90% normal. Still bloated but more like I had a giant meal. Had my post-op appointment with Dr. Chung. We got 17 eggs! Yay! This is almost certainly enough to have at least 2 kids. This is a great outcome. Not everyone has an outcome like this. In fact, many women (especially those going through IVF) have to do numerous rounds of this process (because they may only get a handful of eggs in each round).

And now... pictures of my eggs :)

[These babies were already mature when retrieved... <3]

 [These babies matured overnight in the lab <3]

2/14 - Everything back to normal... almost. For a few months after my retrieval, I experienced what I can best describe as postpartum depression (without the partum). I didn't confirm this with my doctor, but I suspect that the sudden drop in estrogen levels brought on an unexpected wave of depression. It was a tough couple months... especially because I didn't immediately see the connection between the egg freezing and my mood. This eventually faded and I was back to my old self, hardly remembering the details of the egg freezing journey (until re-reading this, of course).

Closing thoughts

As I reflect back on the experience, I couldn't be prouder and happier that I had the courage to do it. For me, it's the best kind of insurance policy. I can have a family on my schedule, not the schedule dictated by biology. I even wrote a will and made decisions about what would happen to my eggs if they survived me (they'll go to my sister, then mom, then dad, then next of kin). I provided even further instructions: I don't want my eggs to be discarded; I want them to be used. Even if I'm not here, I want to have a legacy. It's exciting to make these decisions and to know I'm taking advantage of technology in this way.

There ya have it. It was worth every penny and every moment. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. It may not be the right move for you, but it was for me.